After my weekly planning session with my husband, I had a bit of a nostalgic flashback to earlier years, lounging in the living room and deciding to challenge ourselves to grow more mindfully.
We’re in the process of moving and in saying goodbye to London, a city we’ve loved for almost 8 years, and as we’re preparing to leave, we’ve been looking back over our time here.
Caught in those memories, I turned to him and said “Remember when our goal was to spend 1 hour a day (and 5 hours over the whole weekend) doing things that moved us forward?”
And I remember struggling with that. It felt hard to prioritize time spent on goals. But we kept at it, succeeded most of the time (not *all* of the time – that kind of unrealistic expectation of perfection can really ruin your progress and mood!) and now we’ve built that muscle to the point where we naturally incorporate 2+ hours a day on goals and development into our schedule, but also happily allocate time to rest and fun without worrying that it’ll keep us from hitting our goals.
Recognizing our own groth is sometimes hard. We’re so deep in the waters of our own lives that it’s hard to see the course of the river. Which is why that was a bit of an “aha” moment for me. I hadn’t been conscious of how much further along the path we’d come.
But it’s also important. Looking at the mountain ahead, focusing on that first next step, is critical to keeping us moving. But looking behind and acknowledging the process we’ve made also fuels our motivation, our grit and our belief in ourselves.
One of my favorite coaching questions when a client is feeling stuck, is to ask them “Have you ever solved a problem similar to this?“. It’s amazing to see how such a small question can really help them get unstuck and see that a way forward is possible. And not only that, but also that they themselves have already succeeded at this before and can do so again.
That’s the power of knowing what lies behind you, instead of focusing only on what lies ahead.
Always striving to be better – to move onto the next goal, to grow further, to be healthier, more successful, more caring, more educated – is one of the guiding principles of my approach to life. But without the celebration and acknowlegedment of success, however small the accomplishment, it can become an exhausting, never-ending slog.
Celebrating your success, not just rushing into the next step, is important.
As the University of Kent puts it:
By giving yourself an opportunity to review progress, celebrations cause you to linger on the positive, engendering the sort of gratitude that increases happiness and extends your life. A number of studies have found that this approach to life brings significant benefits, including improved physical health and better coping strategies. People who take time to reflect on — and celebrate — their successes are generally more optimistic, take better care of themselves and tend to be less stressed. Celebrations increase people’s sense of well-being, regardless of socioeconomic factors, education, age or gender.
Are you giving yourself credit for the progress you’ve made?
With no qualifiers (I’ve managed to get the job I wanted, but it took two years longer than I expected ofuscates the fact that you got the job you wanted). Just pure recognition of how far you’ve come.
If you suspect you’re not, I encourage you to get out pen and paper, and spend 10 minutes jotting down everything you’ve accomplished, improved on, areas where you’ve grown… give yourself a lovely list of your progress to remind you what you’ve managed so far. Let it fuel you as you look ahead.
And don’t wait until you do something perfectly to celebrate. Lately, I’ve been following some of the planning advice from Sam Laura Brown, the creator of PGSD (Perfectionists Getting Shit Done). She emphazises the importance of following through with your plans 80% of the time.
And it’s made me realise that if I’m following a habit 80% of the time, putting in the time and effort 80% of the time, living life the way I want to live it 80% of the time, that’s a success.
Celebrate 80% of the time. Don’t expect perfection.
Look in the rearview mirror every once in a while and celebrate your accomplishment. Celebrate and acknowledge your progress.
You’ll be all the better for it.
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